california sunshine, tennessee rain

so, sunday was my birthday.

im fifteen. =]

and, im going to kinda copy chad sugg.

by making 15 resolutions for the next year.

1. kiss that dumb boy.

2. play a lot more piano.

3. finish learning how to play the guitar.

4. try out for next year's musical!

5. join a few more clubs [human relations, science club, maybe vic tutoring]

6. god, please finish writing a story.

7. buy a new belt. don't stop wearing the old one, just get a new one.

8. take a fucking art class.

9. go to warped tour.

10. become passionate about something.

11. lighten up about some things

12. and get serious about others.

13. get a facebook. maybe.

14. never talk to lonnie again.

15. write a song [more than just a melody and some lyrics. a song.]

okay so for my birthday i got a laptop, and my dad used his educator status to get a free ipod touch. so :D im pretty excited. also today i bought a shirt off the internet and we finally ordered the concert tickets!! aah cobra starship, forever the sickest kids, hit the lights and sing it loud! its crazy how excited i am.

so i guess that's it. i've had a whole lot of homework so i haven't been on much, but im trying. =]

oh

and one more thing. jonathan jacob walker pretty much the best person in this galaxy.

05.17.2007 - The moon is our pocket watch.
Behold, the forest is blooming. The new summer is approaching us. The water is warm, the air is crisp and the apples are fresh (and crisp as well). Three of me best mates and I are currently working on our new album in the far west regions of New America. I have the whiskey, one has new shoes, one has the moustache and one has the blues. I might have lost my mind but I have found my soul. You might have heard our songs but you haven’t heard our goals, world domination, beginning with the north and moving down along the map. Wait steadily, as you would on Christmas morning. Presents will come and breakfast is the best. If you understand this message then you figured out my phone number. Call me, we will make a plan.
- Jonathan Jacob Walker - 09.17.1985

ive probably tried ten billion times to figure it out and ive failed consistently.
it bums me out. a lot.

one day, robots will cry

so my dad and some of his airplane loving family journey'd up to oshkosh for the fly in or w/e. they saw airplanes from wednesday-sunday. i do not like airplanes, so i did not go.
while he was gone, my mom and i did a lot of shopping and idk, girl bonding stuff. you know how it is. on saturday we ventured up to johnson creek to the big outlet mall. we went to a few stores, but we got tired pretty fast. i got this from zumiez and a green tank and checkered blouse-y top thing from rue 21. i also found these red skinny jeans for like $20. they were perfect and i even fit into a 3 instead of a 5. =] that made me happy, but i didn't get them because they weren't exactly the right color and i didn't want to buy too much because the shoes i want are like $90 and i dont want to spend billions of dollars on clothes.
oh! btw they're opening an american apparel store in madison! im super excited because its right on state street and close to ragstock and now we'll have a reason to go to madison more often.
also, we went to kohls and i found this dress on the clearance rack for $10 that just happened to be my size and i tried it on and didn't like it very much. w/e. but my mom was like. OMG YOU MUST HAVE THAT ILOVEIT. she started talking about how i needed to 'stop dressing like a boy' and about how i didn't like it only because she liked it. she says stuff like that a lot, its never true, and we didn't end up buying it. idk. she's really stubborn. we sorta bonded over it though because she told me a bunch of stories about how shy i was as a child and how im not easily indimidated by her and its so weird because my brothers definitely were, but they were really outgoing children and im the opposite because im really driven and stubborn like her but im kinda shy in some situations. i always win arguments. and she also said that she likes who i am a lot but she wishes that she understood me more and that i really 'threw her for a loop' and stuff like that. it was kinda nice. then she went to the bank or something and i stayed in the car and had a staring contest with a little boy in the car next to me. when he was leaving he waved at me and i waved back. it was cute. =]

and omg! on saturday our neighbor down the street called us and was like, 'time to lock all your windows and doors and turn lights on. there's a robber lady in the field.' apparently, this lady robbed some people a few blocks away and ran away from the cops in her car, but she came to the dead end of our street and got out of her car and ran. she was actually super close to our house. i was scared shitless. the police got her and told us that there had been a lot of robberies like this near us and to keep on a lookout. and i am pretty terrified about it.

so. i guess that's it. i got the cool kids' the bake sale and i like it a lot. =]

oh shit

I am so shaken right now. I get on the computer to find some good guitar tabs, and get this instead.
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/news/general_music_news/chiodos_frontman_attempts_suicide.html

Craig Owens, frontman of Chiodos and Cinematic Sunrise, attempted suicide by overdosing. Just FOUR days after I saw him at Warped. I can't believe it. I just... I don't know. I thought he looked so happy then. I used to comment on how depressed he would act, and joke about it. But after Warped, I told my sister, "I'm glad Craig seems to be happier these days." But now, seeing how serious it still was, even then... I'm just... really upset. I <3 you Craig. please get better.

yeah, great. and then his face shows up on the cover of AP less than a week later. aaah. good job. -sad-

[editt; so today (monday) i was checking up on purevolume and saw that motion city soundtrack was co headlining with chiodos a tour soon. not only was i like 'holy shit these are two of my most favorite bands i must be there' (then found out that its not near me but there's a date earlier that's just mcs), i also thought 'haha, interesting choice. sounds like fun' but the most important thought was, 'will craig be okay for that?!?! is this before what just happened!?!' so idk. that's just an update.]

the dark knight and other things

haha, one of my friends on livejournal said omg the dark knight kicked my ass! and i agree completely! i saw it on sunday and aah it was amazing. i dont really have a review because i guess nothing i really have to say is different from what i've heard being said. all the acting was completely amazing, fuck i miss heath ledger so much. i really really liked the music, of course, because if hans zimmer has anything to do with it, its amazing. there's a lot i could say, but any more would be too much. i just really really liked it, a super great movie. =]

oh yeah, in other news, i bought a dino shaped sandwich cutter at target! there's a reason that store is my favorite thing ever. =] this thing not only cuts the crust off your sandwich, it cuts it into two dino shaped peices!! i am so excited.

and i had a kinda scary dream last night about the ap tour. ashley & i went back in time to the show and everything turned out so differently. at least justin was still there. first we went backstage and met a bunch of band members, but i was too scared to talk to any of them (of course), then we went back to watch the show and a bunch of weird and different stuff happened but the worst part was when the rocket summer was on. i think at this point the dream ran into a dream about the movie i watched a couple weeks ago. all of a sudden, the building was a huge cathedral church/boarding school and we all had beds for some reason. then we were in the front row of the crowd and this little girl came up and stabbed bryce. she had pigtails. and i cried a lot because bryce ended up dying and i ran backstage to tell everyone that he was dead. everyone started panicking but forever the sickest kids was busy having a midieval battle with unicorns an knights and stuff, and whoever was playing the king (jonathan, i think) told me to go get the girl and bring her to him because she was the spawn of the devil or something and he was going to give her an exorcism and throw her out of the kingdom. so i ran back into the room and got the girl by her wrists and she was totally freaking out. she bit me. but then she disappeared and there was a tornado and we all had to hide in the brick part of the place, which was now a hotel and no longer a church and i hid with shawn harris and, idk thats all i remember. but omg my mind must be retarded because wtf where did that crazy dream come from!?

oh dang

justin san souci is no longer a member of the matches.
how will we ever live without him!?!

oh and one more thing.
travis mccoy needs to dump katy perry
and realize im the only katie worth dating. haha!

SO

so today was my toe surgery.
it wasn't really a big deal.
but i was terrified.

surgery is definitely my greatest fear.
i sometimes like hospitals, depending on the reason for attending and which one im attending.
i don't like our hospitals because they are pretty old and smell horrible, plus they are horrifying when im the reason for being there. luckily they're building a totally new, state of the art hospital that will be nice and comforting to me.
and things like needles and blood dont freak me out as much as they used to, sometimes yes but usually not.
its the anticipation and aftermath of surgery that scares the shit out of me.

i know i was really freaking out in the waiting room because i was hyper-sensitive to sounds and my vision was not steady [maybe because i forgot to put my glasses on, idk], plus i was shaking pretty badly. i almost broke down when i was waiting in the operating chair for the doctor, but i couldn't let myself do that. there were some machines that i really did not like and seeing all the shiny sharp metal tools stacked up was not comforting.
but when the doctor came in i started to calm down. i really like the podiatrist i see because he's a really casual, laid back guy, and that scares me a little. idk how to explain it, but he's not too intimidating and not too comforting. a little cold but also really caring and nice. a perfect balance. he and the amazing nurse he works with always have a wierd effect on me. idk how to explain it, but it works.
so he numbs up my toe and, thank god i have a pretty high pain tolerance, because the nurse is like, 'wow, most people really need help with this, but you always do so well with the shots.' and my mom is like 'yeah, shes a trooper.' which is a saying i dont really like, but i guess it sorta fits me because i dont like giving up, and i know that after the anesthetic, everything will be okay. but then the doctor brings out the fucking touniquet and puts it around my toe so that it won't bleed as much. that was probably the worst part of the whole thing, the name itself scares me. i cant describe how much i do not like those little rubber tubes. ugh.
but after that, i guess everything was pretty good. i like watching the actual operating part of surgery. i'd rather watch it than not watch it because i like knowing what's going on. i feel more in control if i can see what is happening. im scared when im not watching it because im not prepared for anything to go wrong, it puts me into a false sense of security. my mom says i've always been like that.
after it was over, [it only took like 20-30 minutes], the only other thing that scared me was him telling me to back next week and the possibility of complications. i haven't had any pain, which i think is really wierd, but im trying not to worry about it

other than that, i bought the cab's album today and painted a picture of an alligator on a storm cloud thinking about a headless giraffe that didn't really make sense. right now i just need to sleep.

back from camp!

so im back from camp.
i guess i won't really talk about it because, idk, its a lot of inside jokes and stuff that you wouldn't get unless you were there. its a really great place. and i dont even care that its 'church' camp because it doesn't really feel like it. i mean, yeah there's a whole lot of singing and praying and all that, but when you get past that and get to campfire and start making friends in your cabin its so amazing. like, the mood is constantly set on 'love'. everyone there cares about each other and is completely open and, aaah its so great.

we had skit night on thursday. my cabin did 'celebrities come to camp' and i was michael jackson, haha it was so much fun. a bunch of people came up to me and were like, "do you do acting? because you totally should! you were so funny today." and i was like, aww yeah i do i love to act. if my michael jackson act is the only thing people remember me for, im totally cool with it because i had a lot of fun.

idk, i guess thats all i have to say. i don't want to get sad remembering all the other good stuff, and its not like anyone wants to hear it that badly. =X if for some dumb reason you're bored and would like to know about juice's kilt, jeff's broken heel [and apparently me being depressed], pokemon skits, chickoREE, or anything else go ahead and ask.

but one thing i need you to do is look up ethan keller.
just go to www.ethankeller.com because he is my favorite person in the world right now and really deserves the attention. he taught me how to moonwalk for my michael jackson impression, taught me some self defense/taekwondo skills, knows what the word 'kaplowawow' means, wears corduroy pants, knows how to play like ten million instruments, looks like jon walker at the present [looked like jesus last year], wears mirrored sunglasses, writes great music, and was the only other person at camp who liked beck!
that man can do no wrong. =]

movies

today i saw the love guru with my cousin. i wasnt too excited about it because idk, it just didn't seem like it would be that good. it ended up being okay though. the best part about it was kanye west's appearance, fo sho. 'omg! i love hockey!' anyway, it wasn't too bad. the difference between me and my cousin is that she laughed at all the funny jokes and really didnt catch many of the sex jokes, while i didn't really laugh at any of the funny jokes but i cought all the subtle stuff. i guess that makes me a real pervert, huh? haha.

i also saw wall-e this weekend. it was incredible! i cried a lot, it was so great. but then again, i cry at every movie i see. i cried watching a fucking pokemon movie last week. ugh. everyone needs to see that movie though. i dont know how to describe it without giving anything away, but it was amazingg. =]

ive been talking about this for a while now but i still cant wait for hancock!! it comes out tomorrow and i am so excited i cant stand it. will smith is my favorite actor by far and i know this movie is going to be great. i'll probably cry.

ill stop here because ive got to sleep so i can wake up early for my hair appointment tomorrow. i think im just getting a trim and maybe some richer brown lowlights or something. idk.

shit day

its crazy hard to focus right now because im listening to forever the sickest kids and i'm hyper as fuckk.
but this is a really long entry anyway. =]

anyway, yesterday was not a fun day at all.
i had to get up early in the morning to go to midas car place because they're fucktards and messed up our car. that wasnt a big deal but we got out of the house late and my mom was kinda pissed.
so the first thing that happened was, i was putting on makeup on my moms bed, watching spongebob of course, and i felt this thing on my arm and looked at it and OMG IT WAS A FUCKING TICK. you have no idea how scared i was about that. i ran downstairs screaming and freaking the shit out. it hadn't bitten me yet, it was just holding on so it was easy to get it of but ticks are like my greatest fear next to murder and surgery, cause they have eight legs and are in the spider family, but they are a thousand times more nasty and can give you deadly diseases. i found one on my ear when i was sitting on the same place on that bed before. why were they in the house?! omg i thought those things lived outside! god damn.
so after that ordeal, we left late to get to the car fixin place and this woodchuck runs out in the middle of the road. its just trottin a long and we were swerving all over to try to avoid it. luckily we didn't hit it, but we did see other dead animals, including a bat, in the road. =[ idk how a bat got into hitting range but it was there. it was a sad day for small mammals in j-town, that made me really sad.
then, we got to midas car fixers and decide to hang out there instead of getting the shitty rental car and having to fill up the gas tank. we were waiting like normal people for a few hours, playing hangman and stuff [my mom was so uncreative] and the guys like, 'well, theres a problem, hokay? we gotta take this thing out because its rusted to the other thing we had to take out, hokay?' etc. we walked over to the mall to pass the time, and that was okay [oh btw ashley, i tried on those super skinny jeans and did not enjoy them. like, it took me years to get them on and my thighs were oxygen deprived for hours after. i think i'll be sticking to normal skinny jeans tbh]. when we walked back, and after sleeping for a couple more hours, the guy comes out again and is like, 'hokay, so what we put in was the wrong size and we need to order another one, hokay? you should go home and come back tomorrow, hokay?' he was annoying and real douchebag-y. so we took the rental car home. [they called us today because the next new thing they ordered was the wrong size and they had to change it again. we ended up paying like twice as much as we would've otherwise]

so, idk, i suppose there wasnt a lot of bad stuff that happened, but it was crazy boring and sad and just a not fun day. i hope tomorrow is more fun and that i can find someone to babysit me on saturday so i can have some fun and not have to spend tenthousand hours in the car on the way to eau claire. =]

holy shit [this is long, but please read!]

today we went to a bunch of places. actually, yeah, we've been traveling a whole lot the last few days.
anyway, we were on our way back from rockford, right? when SHOOM!! these two motorcycles come flying past us at like 80-90 mph, weaving in and out of cars and whatnot. i'm like, those kids are going to get themselves killed. some car is going to be turning a corner and they wont have enough time to stop. i swear to god the loser of that race is not going to lose because his bike wasn't fast enough, he's going to lose because he's too busy being spread out all over the concrete.

not even two seconds after i said that, we hear a screeech and one motorcycle ride off into the distance, not two. we pull up on this intersection and i'm freaking out because there's pieces of motorcycle all over the road. i'm like, holy shit, oh my god. people are getting out of their cars and there's this truck in the middle of the road. then we see the kid. he's down on his back, no shoes, teeny tiny pieces of motorcycle are everywhere. i wanted to get out so badly, i wanted my parents to do something. i even said it, like, we should get out you guys and help him. and my dad says no. ugh. within minutes the police arrive, and a few minutes after that, the firetruck [wtf?], but no paramedics. they check if he's breathing, and that's it...no one gives him cpr or anything beyond a hand on his chest. then the police man told all the cars to turn around and go the other way. i couldn't believe it. he'd hit the truck that was in the middle of the road. the truck was turning, and the kid didn't have time to stop. he hit the topper of the truck, which broke and flew off the truck. his bike disintegrated instantly. idk if he was dead, but sure as hell no one cared about saving him that much. idk, i don't feel guilty, but i cant help thinking that he did exactly what i said he would. aah.
i can still see him laying there, motionless on the street. he's the only thing i've seen for the last half hour.

i've got three thoughts on this, if the kid turns out to be dead.
a: natural selection in action, you know? at least now he won't teach any kids to ride fast motorcycles and may have saved a life or two, in the end.
b: how's the other kid going to feel? he just took off, idk if he even knew that this other kid got hit. he was probably thinking about how proud his girlfriend would be that he won. i'd rather be the loser in that situation. think about the guilt he's going to feel for the rest of his life. i know i wouldn't be able to handle it.
c: no matter how reckless, irresponsible and immature he was riding his bike at 304823048 mph, he was possibly having the most fun of his life when he died. he didn't care about anything else at that moment but the adrenaline in his veins, the wind on his face, how free he felt. this could be a good thing or this could be a horrible thing, you know? like, his family/friends/whatever are going to have to deal with his bad decisions for the rest of their lives. was it worth it?

- - - edit - - -
the kid ended up dying. heard it on the news the other day. he was actually a 35 year old guy with a wife and two kids.