saint john [haha, yeah right]

so, some big shit has been going down. 

i mean, not really. 

but you could say that.

actually winter break is pretty boring. 

my mom and i did christmas just the two of us because my dad was in florida. it really bothered her, but i was really cool with it because we just chilled and had fun without him. it was good. i dont usually like christmas but this year was pretty nice. =]

im not really supposed to talk about this, but im kind of falling in love with zachs brother. maybe? yeah. thats weird for me to say, but im thinking its true. like, hes perfect. simple as that. ive heard that he's not, really. that hes going to hurt me because hes a player and a real douchebag. and i can see where girls have gotten that. but im taking a chance, and so far its paying off. =] its a little weird because i used to see him as like my big brother haha, but now its so much more than that. really. like, i love this kid. but he wants me to keep it a secret. and its kind of nice, but it hurts a little, i want to share this with everyone. but ultimately i can see the reasons for that, no one at school is going to understand and because hes 18 its not such a good idea, and his parents are pretty crazy, and really its not like we're dating or anything, he's not even my boyfriend. its different than that, and i know its not going to last forever, but thats kinda what i like about it.

so, thats that. idk if it made any sense. i just had to get that all out.

ive watched a shit load of movies over the break. i love movies a lot.

i got a new phone for christmas and i honestly didn't like it at first, but i do now. its really kind of nice. there's a couple things about it that bother me but ill get over it. its a good phone.

so, i think thats it. maybe ill edit this later as i remember whats been going down.

words are just words, and you're just drunk

so yesterday was homecoming. aah it was great! 

the actual dance wasn't as cool as i expected it to be, tbh, but the company was great. =]

so early in the day i went to the mall with my mom for her fashion show. yeah, i know. it was for that store christopher and banks. she's kind of a regular customer and is friends with a bunch of the employees so when they announced that their store was having a little fashion show with customers as models, she was one of the first people they asked. she was really nervous for it but i think she had fun, it was a really nice little confidence boost for her. =]

after that, we picked up taylor and went back home to get ready for the dance. she took a million years curling her hair, but it was okay because she curled mine too. she ended up dropping her necklace down our sink, which was too bad. we've been trying to get it out, but we haven't yet. i think we're calling some plumber guy tomorrow, i know we'll get it out eventually. anyway, she pressured me into calling zach and keegan to ask them if they wanted to meet at pizza hut, which im so glad i did because the night would've been so boring without them. 

we met at pizza hut at 7, and zach was late like he always is. his sister came in and took pictures of us. it took us a long time to get our food and there were a couple kids there that we knew and talked to for a while. at first it was a little awkward because we were in dressy clothes and a new situation and stuff, but once we got our food and started joking around it was a lot of fun. the meal was like forty five bucks, which keegan offered to pay but i was like no way and we all payed for our own share. 

at this point it was like past eight o clock, but we didn't feel like going to the dance yet, so we went to zach's house and hung out for a while. we played pool [i lost horribly to keegan] and a little rock band before his parents kinda kicked us out. they drove us the couple hundred yards to the school in the really snazzy van they have. taylors friend ashley with the fake blue contacts was really upset that we weren't there on time, because apparently she doesn't have any other friends and was standing on the wall by herself for an hour. it took a while for the dance to actually be fun, but once we started dancing it wasn't bad. i didn't wear my glasses and a lot of people noticed. they said i looked nice, which made me really happy. =] zach's completely gorgeous brother aaron [who ended up being the homecoming prince] kinda danced really close to me a few times, which i was totally okay with haha. other than that, grinding is pretty gross, tbh. apparently thats the only way girls know how to dance. i loved watching the guys dance because they have so much fun no matter what they do, but all girls seem to want to do is whore it up with each other. i thought the decorations were pretty lame and the music could have been better, but all in all it was a fun time.

after the dance and hugs goodbye and pictures taken, me, taylor, keegan and zach walked back to zach's house. my heels were sinking into the grass so zach carried me a little. when we got there, we played some more rock band. i completely failed at the singing because i didn't know the song at all, but i completely owned at the bass and the drums. on easy. after that, some of zach's brother's senior friends came over and we went upstairs to play the wii. i did really good at bowling until zach started tickling me. but ahaha i was totally fine with it. my mom came to pick us up at like 12:30 before we finished the game and i was completely retarded and didn't realize that would've been the perfect time to hug zach. but w/e, i still had a lot of fun. taylor borrowed my mom's necklace, my sweatshirt, a clip and a couple other things she forgot to give back to me.

today i slept until like one in the afternoon, and then we went to a concert for the local symphony orchestra because one of my dads friends, who's probably the coolest guy ever, was the featured piano player. it was a very good concert, but it lasted like three hours and it was really hard not to fall asleep. after that we went to our favorite chinese restaurant with this guys family like we do on holidays and special occasions. i texted zach pretty much the whole time, which i need to stop doing because i used a whole lot of minutes that i don't really have. [good thing i bought some more with my bday money or id be in deep shit because im not supposed to text at all and i used more than half my money in a week.] me and zach talked about a lot of things and i guess we're hanging out on halloween. don't worry ashley, you can come too =]

so that was my weekend. i had a really good time. 

im going to go to sleep now so i can wake up so i can have energy tomorrow

sorry you have to hear this again ashley

so this morning, zachary was late to drumline practice. when i asked him why, he told me this story.

"oh yeah, im not very good at doing things on time. so i woke up and took a shower, put on some plaid shorts and tripped and fell over in my bedroom. i took like a thirty minute nap on my floor. it was actually pretty nice."

i dont think ive made any posts about this kid yet. idk how to describe him other than ugh. i have the biggest crush ive ever had on anyone in my life. i don't even think thats an exaggeration. the crazy thing is though, i also kinda have a crush on his brother, which is dumb but unfortunately true. they're almost the same person really. its just that zach is my age and doesn't have add.

im pretty sure he likes me too. i catch him looking at me constantly, and he didn't deny it when my friend accused him of being in love with me today, haha. idk, you never know for sure. his mom works with my mom and she's told her stories about how last year apparently girls never left him alone, so im trying to take things slow and develop a good friendship before rushing into a relationship or something without forming some kind of bond to fall back on. because i hate awkwardness. [who doesn't?]

so im going to stop now, before i get carried away.

i wish i didn't talk/think about this kid so much.

saw you fake it

i really really think that someone should buy me this for my birthday. im not sure what i would want it to be about, but since max is my ~hero and everything, i cant describe how much this would mean to me.

my sweatshirt smells like campfire, but not the nice kind. we decided to have a camprife to kindof celebrate the end of summer. it wasn't as exciting as it sounds. i love fires, but not ones with just my parents and in my backyard. it didn't smell nice either. =/

phantom always

i like people who like cats.

because i like cats too.