respect

respect is a tough thing.

its either respect yourself,

or earn the respect of others.

it seems like we dont get a choice.

and i hate this.

but if i have to choose,

i choose respecting myself.

i do the things i do for myself.

sure, i care what everyone thinks.

we all do, its unavoidable.

and yes i feel pressure.

but id rather go through life

taking my chances and regretting

what it made people think of me,

than keeping to myself and regretting

all of the things i missed out on.

and i dont know, maybe

this makes me selfish

or hypocritical

or shallow.

but the truth is,

no one has life figured out yet.

so im gonna try living it

any way i can.

i want to tell you this, but you wouldnt understand

sometimes, these things just happen.

we make these choices,

and they affect our lives.

things can go from good

to bad very quickly.

and they can go from bad

to worse just as fast.

but, in the same way,

things can recover.

things can go from awful

to better,

to alright,

to good,

and we become stronger,

rebuilding to where we once stood.

it helps. and we learn.

to not be so naive,

so shallow,

so selfish.

and we grow

into something much better.

sometimes, these things just have to happen.

weve got to reinvent love

its about a week, week and a half until valentines day. my faaaavorite holiday.

this valentines day will not be the best. but it will not be the worst.

ive been hurt, but ive been hurt worse.

ive been loved, but ive never been loved more.

i dont want to get into it i guess. i wish i didn't talk about things like this anymore, ahaha. it seems like my whole journal is full of my self pity about how dumb i am and how every relationship i have seems to consume my whole life. and i bet its really annoying. i am so tired of it. so im not going to talk about it anymore, this is my last love post for a while, i promise =]

so here's the real deal.

this week has been not too bad so far.

monday was good, 

tuesday was better, 

wednesday couldve been worse, 

today gave me clarity.

so it evens out to a good week?

ive got plans saturday, soccer sunday.

i really really love soccer.

its so much fun, i cant wait for the regular season to start.

its nice to be doing a sport, actually working at something is really nice and rewarding, it makes me feel really good =]

plus it'll be nice to letter. thats one of my big goals, to letter in like absolutely everything. haha. i guess thats kind of a shallow goal, to work hard just for some felt patches and medals and pins to put on a fancy jacket just to show everyone how much better than them you are. but theres something about it i want sooo bad. im not sure what it is. those jackets look awfully warm haha =]

i just like how easy it is to get involved in things in high school. like, sometimes high school sucks major asssss. really it is sometimes counterproductive. but sometimes its really nice. its just enough freedom for me to make my own decisions and have fun, but its also just enough structure that i dont have to do much thinking haha. so, i like it. im having fun. life is good.