today i made a mistake.
i wore flip flops on todays field trip,
when my mom specifically told me not to.
i guess i told her i wouldn't, and i just changed my mind at the last second and threw some on before walking out the door. my dad didn't know or didn't care or something, so he mentioned something about it in casual conversation and my mom was, needless to say, unhappy. she made me put all my flip flops away for the winter.
im totally fucked.
like, i hate wearing shoes. i really love shoes, but just not wearing them. i have a really hard time keeping them on all day and tbh all the ones i have just make my feet look big because they are. all my shoes are really, like idk, i want to wear them (some of them) but they just don't look good.
so this has kinda made me think about who i am. idk if i know who i am atm. i think im where i want to be, but there's a lot of other things i want and a lot of things i don't really know about, like if im doing them for me or if im doing them for everyone else.
i guess this isn't really that big of a deal, it just feels like it is, you know? im just really confused right now. >.<
2 comments:
im sorta having an identity crisis too. thats a very dramatic way of putting it but still. i think its because its a new school year. we are starting out at a new school. there are a lot of different personalities and influences and inspirations. there are certain people you want to notice you and others you dont what to be associated with. i really like parker because, as you said earlier, there isnt much of a clique problem. but at the same time, there are still cliques and groups and whatnot. sometimes when im looking in my closet trying to find something to wear ill see something that appeals to me but then i think about how it might make me look "emo" or something like that. i bought that pink studded belt that i really liked but i dont want to wear it because people will think im scene or something.
i really like opinions but sometimes i wish people would not express them so much. like zach saying that studded belts are emo or that he hates the band HIM. that just brings me down and makes me feel like im retarded for enjoying those things. im not afraid to come right out and say that i like them but after a while i dont feel proud about them anymore.
im not exactly TRYING to change myself or anything but i do feel myself not being happy with who i am or how i dress because of all these assumptions and groups and other peoples opinions. im losing who i really am. nothing is actually changing except for my mentality. ill still listen to the music that i like and read what i wanna read and watch what i enjoy but i cant stop thinking about my dress or what other people think.
ive always been really insecure about things like that and just when i started to cope, highschool hit.
i wish i remembered our username and stuff for our health account because i would like to go on there and make another post letting people know that i did not forget about it lol =]
aaron iz da zebra
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